We have to ask...
Are you 21 or older?
⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️

Metroplex Mellow Mart

⚠️ This dispensary does not exist.

Serving the Metroplex with mellow imaginary product and maximum fictional chill since we made this place up.

300 Daydream Drive, Dallas, TX 75202
214-555-0606 (not a real number)
Mon-Sun 8am-10pm (imaginary hours)

Products at This Fake Store

Panhandle Plains Gorilla Glue Wax
Concentrate / Wax
THC 75.0%
$60.00 / 1g
Sticky wax extracted from imaginary Gorilla Glue plants in the Panhandle flat...
by Panhandle Plains Extract
Lone Star Rosin Gelato Press
Concentrate / Rosin
THC 76.0%
$72.00 / 1g
Cold-pressed fictional Gelato rosin from the Lone Star press room. No solvent...
by Lone Star Rosin Press
Panhandle Shatter Runtz Glass
Concentrate / Shatter
THC 80.0%
$68.00 / 1g
Brittle imaginary Runtz shatter as flat and expansive as the Panhandle itself...
by Panhandle Shatter Co.
Lone Star Bake Shop Alamo Brownie
Edibles / Baked Good
THC 20.0%
$15.00 / 1 brownie
A Texas-sized imaginary brownie infused with enough fictional THC to make you...
by Lone Star Bake Shop
Lone Star Bake Shop Cowboy Cookie
Edibles / Baked Good
THC 18.0%
$15.00 / 1 cookie
A fictional cowboy cookie big enough to share with your horse. Loaded with im...
by Lone Star Bake Shop
Panhandle Pain Patch Wind Rider
Topicals / Patch
THC 12.0%
$50.00 / 1 patch
A slow-release fictional transdermal patch engineered for Panhandle wind-chap...
by Panhandle Pain Patch Co.
Lone Star Blunt Factory Pineapple Wrap
Pre-rolled Joints / Blunt
THC 25.0%
$22.00 / 1 pre-roll
Everything is bigger in Texas, including this fictional pineapple-wrapped blu...
by Lone Star Blunt Factory
Lone Star Blunt Factory Strawberry Cough Blunt
Pre-rolled Joints / Blunt
THC 24.0%
$20.00 / 1 pre-roll
Sweet and big, the Lone Star Strawberry Cough blunt is a fictional statement ...
by Lone Star Blunt Factory

Satire Ends Here

While the rest of this site is a joke, cannabis prohibition is not funny. Opiates and hard drugs are devastating communities. Cannabis is not the enemy. Here's how to take real action in Texas:

Advocacy Organizations

The nation's largest cannabis advocacy organization, working to reform marijuana laws since 1970.
The largest organization working to end marijuana prohibition in the US.

Contact Your US Senators

Federal legalization requires federal action. Tell your senators where you stand.

For state legislators, visit openstates.org — enter your address to find your representatives.
⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️